Zombie Chompers

A coworker told me that she had three patients she had taken care three patients whose ages were 113, 114, and 115. She had asked them the secret to their long lives. One said she attributed her long life to eating pork every day… okay, fine. Another said it was faith in God. The other was a glass of wine every day.

I think you can guess which one I’m going with. Cheers!

I wonder how much plastic a 115 year old person would generate in their lifetime?

There was THIS INSPIRATIONAL POST I ran across recently about plastic habits that we should all kick right now. All plastic that was ever created is still here on this Earth. Theoretically, you could mine for every single piece of plastic you’ve ever used. Of course, the micro particles of unchanged plastic floating around in our oceans might be harder to come by, but they are still there, mucking stuff up.

I wonder what a plastic zombie apocalypse takeover of the planet would look like, whereby every plastic toothbrush, drinking straw, bubble wrap blanket, produce bag, spork, water bottle that YOU ever used could rise from the landfills, waterways, and descend from orbiting space junk and be your bristly and bloody demise. Like our seafood and birds, these pieces of plastic will consume you and turn you into plastic, too.

It may not be the 28 Days Later kind of scene, but plastic really is overtaking the planet. Not in big, ataxic, bloody mobs of the snarling undead. But plastic is creeping into corners of the environment in ways we maybe didn’t anticipate or care about. Even the most seemingly pristine waters have surprisingly high levels of plastic contamination, infesting ecosystems from the very bottom on up.

You know what is great to use on the purple teeth I’m going to get for trying to live until I’m 115? A toothbrush! But not a plastic one.

March is about three months out from Christmas, when the bristled number Santa usually delivers to each member of the family’s stocking wears out. This year, St. Nick brought us plastic toothbrushes with replaceable plastic heads. They are manufactured by Radius, who also supplies us with the 100% biodegradable silk dental floss that I love in compostable paper packaging. I think Santa thought he was making a zero-waste statement with those toothbrushes. But what Santa didn’t know during that period of time between Black Friday and December 25, is that there are better options out there with even less plastic.

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I picked up a family of bamboo toothbrushes that everything from the brush itself to its packaging can be up-cycled, recycled, and composted. Check out these awesome garden markers! The bristles can in theory be recycled, but honestly, they will need to be landfilled. Come to find out, they only real compostable bristles come from boar hair, and boar bristles are hard to find or at least I didn’t bother looking too hard for them because, yuck, barf, no thanks, hog hair in my mouth is sort of where I draw the line. I won’t be living to 115 if I need to get my pork by brushing my teeth.

These toothbrushes probably won’t kill any Zombies, but they clean our teeth for a short time and will politely decompose when we are done organizing our radishes.

Could you make the switch?

One thought on “Zombie Chompers

  1. I love the idea of using these for garden markers! I totally thought I would remember what I planted but I don’t have any idea. Buying markers for $5 each seemed like investment I really don’t want to make. But this is a great second life for our toothbrushes!! Thanks!!

    Liked by 1 person

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